Am I selfish to want children by IVF?

Am I selfish to want children by IVF?

Our daughter was born through in vitro fertilization and we try to have a second child by the same means, but I am in pain. I feel guilty about failing to make a child normally. And I feel selfish not to resort to adoption? How to move forward? Armelle

Claude Halmos



I think, Armelle, that "to advance" supposes that you understand the reasons for your anxieties. Because, in reality, they are not justified. A child born by IVF in fact does not come from an "abnormal" conception. He is the child of the flesh of his parents (even if medicine helps a little this "flesh"). And he is above all the child of their desire. Because design is not just about the body.

It is also a matter of desire. And it is on this desire ("They wanted me, recognized, adopted in their heart") internalized by the child that he will rely his entire life. This parental desire is also essential in adoption. It is he who, well beyond the legal, establishes for the child a filiation that is added to the one he already had with his parents by birth.

Your approach is therefore legitimate and beautiful. Why spoil it with all these questions? What would they return to? Who in your story would have blamed you for this desire for a second child ("So, one, that's not enough?")? Who would you have said "abnormal"? Who would have accused you of "selfishness" by making you think that taking care of yourself and doing what you think is good for you would be selfishness?

Think about it, Armelle, and stop ruining your life. I wish you and your husband the success of your IVF and a very beautiful baby!


Leave Your Comment