Every week, dozens of couples manage to train, to get back together or to avoid the worst by following my analysis and my recommendations. During a coaching to win back his man or his wife, there are several crucial steps that allow a positive evolution. It is mainly the message that Benedict * wanted to give to all the people who visit my site. The latter to enjoy a follow-up coaching of only a few hours but the performance was up to par because it managed to bring back his man. I invite you to discover his answers to the questions you probably ask yourself if you are considering the reconquest of a loved one.
1 / Hello Benedict, can you introduce yourself briefly?
Hello Alexandre, I am Bénédicte, I live in Paris intramural, I am in communication and I am 44 years old. I had been in a relationship for a while with Franck and he decided to leave me because he no longer saw any common future. My love for him was intense and I could not accept his decision. That's why I decided to get it back at any cost. So I appealed to your services because I liked your philosophy of making happiness a priority. This is exactly what I needed and I imagine that is also the case for everyone who follows your advice.
2 / How did you feel after the breakup?
After the break I was totally down, collapsed, desperate. I really felt like I was going down and feeling my strength was letting go of me. I started to be very scared. I wondered how long it would take to no longer feel this pain, and I wondered where I was going to find the courage to go back, what to hang on to. I almost got sick.
I no longer ate, I did not sleep. I had great difficulty concentrating in my work, and at the same time I made a point of honor that it does not suffer from the situation. I wanted my job done well, as every week, that no one could notice a drop in quality due to an external event. And I lived permanently with this fear of knowing if I would manage to overcome the situation. It's mostly of what I remember, a fear peppered in the stomach. A posteriori, I do not know very well how I found the courage to get up, to go to work, to continue to try to lead a life as normal as possible, but I did it.
I think I was trying not to think too much. Often when I returned home, I was shot. I happened to stay prostrate all weekends in my bed. I also think that I was exhausted, emptied, because I had used all my strength to look good in my social and professional life. Of course, I had friends to whom I could confide, and who supported me a lot, took care of me. My mother, too, who I think worried a lot. But despite everything, loneliness, pain, you can not escape, and although surrounded, no one can suffer for you. We have no choice but to face, or to let go. And I think that fear came from there, to worry about whether I was going to be able to cope.
3 / What was your first action to recover your man?
My first beneficial action was to find a solution. Bringing back his man is not an easy task and I lost the beech I loved, but I did not want to admit that I had lost love. Given the circumstances of this breakup and the fact that in a message he had asked me to "respect his decision", I did not see very well how to make up the situation. But I respected his decision and I disappeared from his life. Since I did not see very well what could have led in my behavior to such a radical situation, at first I wanted to understand what was wrong with me, because I think that in a crisis of this order everyone to his part of responsibility.
So I first consulted a psychotherapist and then a couple psychologist. During the first session, both were peremptory, my problem was that I did not know to choose my partner, say that for them I always made the wrong choices. Okay, so I focused the therapies on the idea of making a "good choice" now. After dozens of sessions (and a few hundred euros spent), I still have not got an answer to my question: "what is a good choice?". For the psychotherapist, maybe I just did not have a chance. As for the psychiatrist, she found me perfectly balanced, structured and did not see where the problem was.
Parallel to this questioning, I naturally sought to make new encounters, to provoke a new chance. And of course it happened, but it did not work. I started again a second time, it did not work either. This is where I became aware of the absurdity of the situation. I felt a great sense of discouragement and great anger. And I thought back to that story I had lived. And under the influence of anger and despair I wanted to know once and for all. To know why he had left me, why he wanted to put an end to what for me was a real and beautiful relationship. These two therapies were therefore totally ineffective and did not allow me to reconquer my man.
I told myself that I had nothing to lose after all: at worst he would not answer me, at best he would give me an explanation. I did not even have the idea to get it back, but I was gnawed by the need to know. It was five months after the breakup. To my amazement, he kept a low profile, he understood my sense of anger at the situation, recognized the total responsibility for the break and I felt at home as a relief that I could give him the opportunity to explain himself. That's when I realized that I had not had to do with a bastard, and learned that he had come out of this relationship because he did not see how to face a problem that concerned him. alone, and that he had used these five months to question himself, aware of a dysfunction he did not master. I was touched by his honesty and respect for me, I found his questioning courageous and I then cherished the hope that everything could become possible between us.
4 / How did you endure to see him without being a "couple"?
I was able to see him without being a "couple", because I understood at that moment that the path would be long, and since the problem came mainly from him, that I had to adapt to his rhythm .
I also understood that something had remained intact between us. I do not know how to explain it exactly, moreover nothing could explain rationally what I felt, but I knew in a peremptory way that we were made for each other. I knew it was him, that I had to be able to convey to him this faith that I had in us, that we had to arrive with patience, love and determination to make him aware that we had to give ourselves another chance. I do not say that I have not doubted sometimes, but in the end I was determined and driven by strength and unshakeable hope. I think that it is this determination, this perseverance, this faith that I had in our love story who made him come back. It took a long time, but I gained his confidence, and I think he was touched at the end of the day.
5 / What do you think made your man come back?
I think that men and women often do not move at the same pace, do not realize the importance of things at the same time, and it is often this phase shift that causes crises. There is always one ready and the other not, or less. We are sometimes on the same path, but not side by side. And that's a little what happened between us. I just waited for him to be ready and convinced as I was that we were made to be together.
6 / What did you think of coaching reconquest with Alexandre CORMONT?
With the coaching of Alexandre I finally found precisely the follow-up and the answers that I had not managed to have with the psys. In the first place, he was interested in us, the couple. Me, my vision of things, my feelings and those of my friend then, equally.
We analyzed point by point what could in my behavior operate blockages in our couple. It also allowed me to understand the blockages of my friend, to consider his suffering and his vision of things. We have developed a course of action, a strategy based on trust and empathy. And step by step it paid off as I managed to get my man back.
Then, the support and the availability that he has shown were essential, because to achieve his ends, we must never let go, and if we doubt or flinch, Alexander is here to give us on the rails, or catch up with a situation or even an error that each of us can commit because of the emotion and the suffering caused by the separation. This is an essential and fundamental element of the success of a reconquest.
* for the sake of confidentiality, the first name and the photo have been modified