We spend more than a third of our day at work and inevitably, by dint of rubbing the same people everyday, links will be created as and when. After a while we wonder if it's just work knowledge, friends and sometimes even the feelings come together in it then you start flirting with work!
When you listen a bit during an afterwork, it is not uncommon to hear conversations about a couple who formed in the workplace, or even revelations like "I'm in love from my co-worker "or" this colleague really pleases me I think I'm under the spell ".
This is the subject of the day since I received the testimony of Delphine *. The latter explains that there is something going on with her colleague but she can not seem to know what, she hesitates between love and friendship and does not dare to indulge. I let you discover his story and my answer a little further down.
I'm in love with my colleague but I'm afraid of his reaction
I really appreciate a co-worker 7 years older than me and also single for several years. We already know each other very well (3 years) and share a lot of things together (trips, restaurants, various outings) or both (more rare) or with friends colleagues.
We have a lot of common interests and the current goes very well between us, we have the same character and a good feeling but no sentimental relationship between us. We rescheduled two trips this year with only his sister.
I thought more of a beautiful friendship between us until then. But since about 6 months, I think it's different, he opened my eyes because I noticed several nonverbal signals that could let me think he is attracted. So, I fall for him now! And he is often in my thoughts ... There he is on vacation, it's been 10 days and I miss him already
I may be making films, but I find him close to me, listening to me, offering to help me for certain things, and he has little things like picking me up at the train for example.
Moreover, I surprised him several times watching me at meetings, and with a look insistent, which makes me look down, because I am embarrassed. I have regular right to small smiles. It also touches me much more than before (arms, and once lower back while I was down) but it still acts differently with my other female colleagues, much younger, with whom there is no reluctance on his part to tease them. He comes to my office regularly to see me and talk, we regularly get coffee at 10am. We laugh well together and are very open to any kind of private discussion, except sentimental side.
Sometimes I can even receive text messages from him, even on our days off. Recently, I have the impression that he is interested in what I do and how I go. I feel a little jealous as soon as I tease other male colleagues or they come to tease me (he turns away his eyes not to see what happens), he is embarrassed and from my side everything suggests than I'm in love with my colleague.
I talked to two female colleagues and they also think that there is reciprocal attraction, "it's obvious" as they tell me. She tried to pull out the worms and know what he thinks of me. And he does not seem so reluctant to the idea of a possible relationship with me, apparently. But he does not say yes or no. We do not really know what he thinks, he is very mysterious.
Many times, people took us for a couple while we are not at all (not yet!), and as soon as we evoke it, it is embarrassed and does not answer. A colleague made a remark to us one day while we went to the restaurant both (the only time), saying "keep us a little", and he did not answer and looked embarrassed. Again, last weekend in the evening between colleagues, him next to me, (as often elsewhere) they launched "the kiss, the kiss".
Always true to himself, he does not answer anything. It's a man, I think shy on the sentimental level, and very secretive, intriguing even. I went out to take the air, and he followed me outside, unfortunately, others joined us ... grrrr !!!
I just know he does not want a child, neither do I, and he knows it ...
I do not know how to interpret the thing anymore. Is he afraid to engage in a more serious relationship? We have different professional projects and we may have to separate in a few months. But is he also attracted to me sentimentally or amicably? What should I think or do?
I'm afraid it will not be like before if I start, and afraid of losing him, afraid of his reaction.Should I really start or not, plus I'm as shy as him!
Thank you for taking the time to read me and answer me.
Rule # 1 to go out with a colleague: stay discreet!
When you want seduce a co-worker, it is absolutely necessary to respect this rule which consists in everything being as discreet as possible. I will go back a little further in my explanations and I will resume the path of the story of Delphine to structure my ideas.
First of all, the first aspect that emerges is that there is a real complicity between these two colleagues. This is what needs to be emphasized as much as possible and insist on common points that bind you to this colleague which you really like. In this way, he / she will realize that you can become more than a working acquaintance because it is your affinities who will speak for you. There is nothing better than complicity in getting closer to a person. We feel that Delphine has managed to put this in place but it still lacks a hint of seduction.
Suddenly, his colleague is in doubt too about the attitude to have and if he is of a shy nature, there is little chance he will take the plunge ... So it's up to you Delphine to put him in trust and make him understand that he can get closer. Certainly your attitude is already more or less oriented in this way but you must be aware that he may fear your reaction. It is thought that men do all the work of seduction, but women also have an important role to play in making people understand that there is a mutual attraction.
Regarding the point I mentioned a little earlier, it seems clear to me that the fact that you are very often surrounded by other co-workers is a problem. As much as possible, ask them to stop hinting as this can have a negative impact. Some people categorically refuse to to combine professional life and sentimental life. Childish behavior may therefore be prejudicial to a possible love affair between you simply because it will have the impression that all eyes will be on you. When one is in love with his colleaguewe do not necessarily want to shout it on all the roofs, especially since it is rather modest it seems.
Your attitudes as well as the other are nevertheless clear, there is a real osmosis between you. This attraction between co-worker is rarely so pushy and it will be necessary to act at a given moment to show him that he can be confident. In addition, you have the same aspirations and life choices that coincide.
If he has not yet taken his courage with both hands, it is in my opinion because you maintain a form of blur between this friendly or sentimental relationship and he can not position himself. If you want to make it react, it is necessary to put in place a game of seduction less subtle. On the other hand, we must not force things and we must bring them gradually.
In my opinion, you should not be afraid of losing it and I think that communicating by text will be the key if you also manage to combine with some calls and some exits (which you will not have to talk to the other members of the company!). It is essential to have direct contact outside of work to create more than just friendship. Or maybe he just expects 6 months and the fact that you are no longer bringing you to work together to take the lead. Whatever his strategy, you can completely upset him by making him understand that you have similar points and that you feel a reciprocal attraction that just waiting to develop 😉
Coach for charm a job college
* To preserve the anonymity of the person who wrote this testimony, the first name has been changed.